Hi readers. So every once in a while I'm going to post resources for parents. You'll be able to spot them easily enough because they'll be labeled and titled with numbers. For our first entry I want to suggest a book that is a standard parenting book. Its called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. Its by Faber and Mazlish. * Here are a few thoughts derived from the book by another youth minister, Jeff:
Listen with full attention.
Put down your phone, turn your chair around, and quietly listen to the whole story.
Acknowledge their feelings.
Instead of jumping in with questions or advice, start with simple phrases that indicate you care: "Oh." "I see." "Tell me more." Coupled with caring attitude, these are invitations for a child to explore his or her own feelings, and possibly come up with their own solutions.
Give the feelings a name.
We deny a child's feelings by saying things like "Everything's okay," or "Don't freak out." But when we say, "That must have been frustrating," or "Sounds like you're pretty mad," then we convey an empathy and understanding that leads to constructive conversation.
For more thoughts and ideas on having meaningful conversation with your child get the book (you may even be able to borrow it from the local library). It could change the way you interact with your child so give it a try!
*Group Magazine Nov/Dec 2010